Ambition, Competition, and Disappointment

Growing up in an Asian household means two things:

• Your parents expect you to become a doctor
• You were told your hobbies (especially if it’s artistic) mean nothing

Jokes aside, the first thing sort of happened to me. Look, I’m not sure where to draw the line between directly and indirectly giving your child expectations. Because unlike some of my friends where it’s obvious that the path they chose today is forced upon them by their parents or teachers (under the guise of “you have so much potential!”), neither of my parent figures ever explicitly told me I have to strive for more, more, and more. I’m well aware those words come from my own self, but it has to come from somewhere, right?

Yes, maybe. I’m not sure. I’m not really in the mood to make an essay about how grandiose means nothing to me, or that believing in one’s dreams is the most foolish thing to do, or how quotes such as “dream so high you’ll fall among the stars” feel kinda weird to me. However, I have to say: I’m really tired of feeling not good enough. I want to see life as a road trip, not a race. I feel like most of my achievements are 80% luck and 20% hard work. I want to understand how the world works just for the sake of curiosity, not because I’m driven (or destined) to play hero and change the world.

I don’t know how I got here. I’m thankful, absolutely! But I never planned any of this. It just happens. Sometimes, most of the times, it does NOT happen. So please, stop looking at me through a pair of rose-tinted glasses. We’re all descendents of men here.