adore you

I’ve always adored you, long before I taste the complexity of love. I’ve always looked up but never down; always fixing my gaze towards you. You and I aren’t so different (except that you’re better). We have the same hobbies, interests, and even personality (except that you did it better). We went to the same major (except that yours is more prestigious), it’s only natural that the gazing eyes would began to compare the two as if they were apples.

I would’ve been a miserable bastard if we weren’t separated by the land, the river, and time itself. We only get to see each other every 6 months. So I said farewell and god bless, except now we graduated and are back in the city again. I wonder, what will my envy-driven self do to you? What will my green eyes see of me? What will my kerosene-fueled heart say when I’m burning out of spite (of you)? Will I begin to self immolate in the pool of my own insecurities?

Will I ever be able to call you a (true) friend, without parts of me screaming I should’ve been you instead?

Forgive me.