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TW: Suicide Ideation (I’m being serious this time.)

This is a story of a 21 year old Fred. He is the eldest of two and comes from a rather unstable upbringing, For the last 5 years or so, his life has been turned around because of a traumatic event that happened to him in high school. This leads us to today, where Fred desperately needs some older sister figure to help him and give guidance. He met a woman older than him later that year, experienced in giving comfort for those who need it the most. Some say people like her are equipped with adequate tool that is their rock solid emotional stability to help others. Their bond got stronger every day as Fred began to open up and eventually trust her with his darkest fears. She grew attached to this silly young man that has been searching for a new home for eternity.

Everything was going on perfectly, until feelings started to overtake the sweet and innocent relationship. Boundaries after boundaries were crossed, each time with an explanation and a promise to do better. However, the feeling kept growing like a cancer cell, eventually reaching its peak when the woman expressed her love for Fred. And Fred being a thrill seeker, decided to go for it for the love of the game. Little did he know, he just lost the sweet and innocent relationship he desperately hoped for.

It was fine at the beginning, but things quickly went south as jealousy and mistrust steered both parties away from each other. Fred began to feel the gravitational pull of his lover as it devoured him, leaving nothing but a bitter aftertaste and a vague idea of who he once was. He’s afraid of losing her and the memories they have built together, but staying on her horizon would eventually destroy him. He thought of the time before they’re two supermassive black holes en route to crash into each other. He missed the time when he could look up to her from the distant night sky, instead of being torn alive. He regretted his reckless decision.

He was only 21 yet it feels like his whole world has ceased to exist. He thought of taking more pills than prescribed. However, the idea of getting picked up by an ambulance to the nearest emergency care unit in the middle of the night, essentially waking every member of his family up, scared him enough to live for another day. Right now, Fred is trying to broaden his social circle but he’s still afraid of letting anyone gets too close to him.

He is unsure if he could ever unlearn the pain love has given him.